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Everything I Need to Know, I Learned in Marching Band
Be afraid
of the dark. Be very afraid.* Never apply makeup on a moving bus. * Tubas go crunch. * 'Shups are good for morale, as well
as biceps. * Electrical tape is the answer to all problems. * Never sit near the bus bathroom on a long road trip. * Contrary
to popular belief, it can be fun to march in forty degree weather during a hailstorm. * Anger the Uniform Elves and there
will be hell to pay. * Remain in your seat during brake checks. * When your drum major waltzes onto the bus singing "I
Feel Pretty" after a show, it's a good sign. * Don't even bother trying to figure out how much of your time you're spending
in cologuard, it will only depress you * Football is just the band's warm-up act. * Otherwise droll parents will magically
become screaming fools when they see you take the field for competition. * Shopping carts are abused little critters. * An
eight-to-five step in 4\4 time at one hundred twenty beats per minute will get you from the band room to the practice field
in two minutes and thirty-two seconds * Not even rain will dissipate a basics block . * A charter bus can be the site of such
heated theological debate as not seen since the reformation. * If you want to learn about Adam Sandler or how to strip,
ride on the drummers' bus.
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* Announcing that you're a Monty Python fan will make you friends faster than handing out money.
* Cool people sing along with Disney movies. * Always keep a camera on your person. * "Fern Gully" is really a communistic
metaphor. * The colorguard has many big fans. * Crayons and coloring books can keep otherwise sophisticated people occupied
for hours on end. * A love triangle involving your bus driver and two students makes for an interesting ride.* Quillow = Quilt
+ Pillow.* Froot Loops, cold bagels, and Sunny Delight eaten on gym floors are the true "breakfast of champions." *
Cheerleaders take bait. * Tuba players are extremely ticklish.* It's not a good idea to get IcyHot in your eyes. * A band
decked out in khaki pants and hawaiian shirts will look like a bowl of migrating fruit. * PDA's are punishable by fire hose.*
It's perfectly okay to cry after the performance of your life. * LEFT, right, LEFT, right...* They start to play
"Play that Funky Music White Boy," they die. * When you march backwards past a field judge while tossing a 6 and
his face is white and jaw hangs open, he likes what you're doing. * Cliffs Notes are a band geek's best friend. * Prayer may
be outlawed in school, but chartered transportation is not under that jurisdiction. * Never leave home without your towel.
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* Rubber walls are our friends. * Asking pitsters to march will only confuse them. * You know
you've got a good reputation when the school pays for enough pizza to feed the whole band- drummers included. * Irish marching
bands march in swamps, so why shouldn't we? * Respect the colorguard members: they have big sticks and you don't. * Got
electrical tapel?* If the audience and you are in tears at the end of a show, you've done well. * Wait until after
band to get your hair cut so you'll still be able to get it into a bun * * Even without vocal training, band members
can make remarkably horrible a capella singers. * Computer solitaire is much easier than the real thing. * Restaraunt-goers
will do a double take at a "band 'ten hut!", even if you don't. * Allow plenty of extra time before your first performance
of the year for your new uniforms to arrive.* Lysol disinfects everything* Open the door to the room where the pitsters keep
their stuff and you will be brutally maimed. * You might be surprised at the number of brass players who know how to do the
"Chicken Dance." * If you don't eat at McDonald's, the employees give you mints. * Be prepared to explain where Mobile
is. * Large water jugs are more precious than platinum.
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* We love the band mommies... except when they sing show tunes. * When someone calls
you a "band geek," u deny being in the band and tell them you are in the colorguard. * He who has actually done everything
on the "You've Been in Band Too Long When..." list should be raised to the status of a minor deity. * Taco Bell and basics
in ninety-five degree weather don't mix. * Announcers tend to get bored when they have to announce your name more than half
a dozen times. * During band camp, you can eat all the junk you want and still lose weight. * Long silk gloves aren't as warm
as they should be. * Band Mommies are really angels in disguise. * Teachers think music is good for the mind- unless it requires
you to miss class. * The only gambling students are allowed to do on tour involves paper clips for poker chips. * If you fast
forward a video of a band show, it looks like a drunken field of ants.
* Don't blow on your hands to warm them up during rehearsal; the condensation will freeze
and leave your fingers even colder. * It's a bad idea to wear contact lenses on long bus rides. * Move at attention and prepare
to kiss some asphalt.* Dating within the band is considered by most to be a really bad idea * Rock &
roll is king. * Male trumpet players tend to look like clowns- even without makeup. * Chocolate is the food of the gods. *
The guys who take ground level pictures of the gaurd really have no clue about marching * Never let those fellow
guard memebers get a hold of your hairspray and expect it back. * "Let's do that again for number FIVE..." * Rainstorms,
hurricanes, etc. only happen to your band. * The pit is evil. Never listen to them. * * You haven't really lived until
you've put on the black and rhinestoned uniform! *
props to http://cvband.tripod.com/humor.html but adapted for the Murphy Guard
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